It’s what you do on your bar mitzvah.

No kidding! Yowza.

I’ve changed my panties like 13 times reading Scalia’s dissent

How do I get involved in that tho

I love the classics! You got your ass handed to you by a bunch of people and now you are using tone policing to try to not look like the fool you are. I wish this comment section had a nationalist immigration policy so these nice people wouldn’t feel the need to waste good words responding to you.

Oh god friend ones are the worst. I changed in front of a friend for the first time and she said, so cheerfully, “You dress really well, you don’t look that fat with your clothes on!”

Moms are neg ninjas.

I didn’t know it was a neg at the time, but several times I got the one where the guy asks if you’re wearing colored contacts. And then insists you are no matter what you say. I have very distinctive eyes, so it didn’t strike me as an odd thing to ask at first. When they keep doing it, though, it’s like wtf do you…

Love The Kills. Love The Dead Weather. That woman has the most dangerous voice I've ever heard.

It took a pretty embarrasing amount of time for me to realize that. Now, whenever I hear that -

Oh man, engagement photo shoots are my favorite things ever.

My beloved progressive state is dead.

Because miles and status are different.

As a proud member of Menstrual Cup Club, I am obligated to follow the first rule of Menstrual Cup Club, which is you always talk about Menstrual Cup Club.

WOW she looks like Jessica Lange!

If you think about it, any story about food is the beginning of a poop story.

I was that friend in college that would swat Tylenol out of your hand if you were taking it for a hangover or pre-hangover. Like a one-woman public service announcement.

33. Ability to summon gibbering insane, howling maws of twisted flesh from the non-Euclidean abyss beyond our plane.

What has five hands and is that conflicted?