I spent my gay points on this dinette set.

Exactly, because everyone knows that I go around to people's homes asking if they "have a moment to talk about the teachings of Laverne Cox."

That might have been rhetorical but I'm going to tell you anyways...

this is one I actually used. I was five years old, playing with my cousins at my Babcia's house. She was making dinner and was a terrible cook. When she called us in for dinner, I told her I couldn't eat because I was sick. She asked what was wrong, and I told her it was prostate cancer.

Real conversation from about 4 years ago, between me and my husband who was supposed to have quit smoking:

Making a cat dance for one's life partner goes beyond the physical realm of pleasure. Slightly lifting a cat to a semi standing position and wiggling it to music is the most intimate experience two humans can share.

how do you not have a clear as shit mental picture

Don't you LOVE looking at all the hairs on the fabric strip after 'stache waxing?! It's so fulfilling!

In America we also call that Schadenfreude.

This is like, the ur-example of what "privilege" actually is and I will draw on it forevermore.

Pork Wine. The OTHER white wine.

Scientifically: 4 if you're single; 6 with a partner; >adults+kids+2 with a family; 12 if you have a farm. +1 to any minimum if the average winter temperature where you live is below freezing.

Oh, and

This is only tangentially related, but some guy at a house show asked me: "how many calories do you think you burn during sex." He wasn't trying to pick me up, he just thought he was cool by mentioning sex in a frank way. I said "none because I just lay there" and walked off. For sone reason thinking of that exchange…

My best friend was negotiating the shared tenancy of a flat with a gym PR manager who looked exactly like Mark Vanderloo. She brought him to the bar that I was working at, and just before they shook on the arrangement she called me over to pour them some shots. There was one for me too, obviously. We raised our…

I think I was pretty clear on what I'd end up eating in my original post.

I'm heading over to Canada. So much closer to where I live than a desert. This winter has prepared me for the cold (coldest February in the history of ever with an average high temperature of 16F) Plus my Hannibal watching has prepared me psychologically for the inevitable cannibalism.

It's just the new lingo the kids are using, like "Fleece it out," "Goin' Mach 5," and "Dinkin' flicka."

When I was very, very young, I believed a similar thing, and imagined the poor babies being covered with chewed up food that the mother had eaten. This was when I was in kindergarten. But we had very educational books in kindergarten with pictures that showed that the baby was in the womb and the food was in the…