That's way too much cheekbones for one family. Their offspring will probably be a high elf who shall herald the return of the Eldar onto Middle-Earth.

The cat is making a Lucille Bluth looking at Buster face every time it looks at him.

WEENS ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. OR JUST WEENS SOMETIMES. OR WEENS NEVER. IT'S A PERSONAL WEEN-CISION.

I am so rude to my cat. I go "Wow, you are getting fatter everyday" and "You trashy cat" when it is literally trying to eat the trash.

My cat and I are rude to each other. Cats deserve a little sassing. His cat probably thinks he's a needy dweeb.

I heard the cat was sitting right there with them when she asked him to go to a movie and she didn't even think to invite the cat.

Help! A vendor at the farmer's market sells peanut products

"Help! My Autistic Rescue Labradoodle is Slut-Shaming My Leg".

"Help! My Gluten Intolerance Has Been Exacerbated by the Alignment of the Moons of Mars and Jupiter"

omg delightful yes keep talking yes yes yes

Help! I can't tell which of these twelve blue Priuses (Prii?) with "Namaste" and "Coexist" bumper stickers is mine — and my goat's milk gelato is starting to melt.

help! I just found out my community garden gender segregates their plants.

Dear Emily Post,

Help! I Just Found Out that My Financial Advisor Eats Conventional Vegetables!

THE LEGEND OF BURT

Ahhhh I love it when that question comes up!!!!! It makes me feel like An Old. =D

That's the nice thing about the Internet: no matter what someone does, someone out there can do it better.

I'd pick Astronaut Mike Dexter.

This is John Cho. All other crush suggestions are invalid.

Good - I'm thirsty for MRA tears