Absolute truth - when I had to spend a week in Texas, the only things I liked about the place were Whataburger and the Dallas World Aquarium.

Oh my god, thank you so much for mentioning #2...I HATE when people have fucking table roadblocks. People even do it at the bartop! Like, why would you order a drink and then put ALL YOUR SHIT right where the drink should go?! We have purse hooks! Set your phone to the side!

Oh, gross...that would honestly make me super-angry. You have my sympathies.

Good point - and he's wrecking much of the charm of the original, which is its utter lack of pretension. Actual poutine sounds like cheap, shamefully tasty comfort food.

MMMMM...TRIPE FRIES.

I may or may not know people that worked in one of the places featured on his show, and they may or may not really fucking hate the guy. Also, when he pretends that he can guess the entire recipe of something in one taste, he's a lying sack of shit whose spies were in the place a week before - kinda like when "faith…

IF YOU DON'T WANT THAT TAKE 5 YOU CAN GIVE IT TO ME. GIVE THEM ALL TO ME.

Bahahahahaha!!!

While the billboard is a mite grisly, It really does seem like a decent way to deal with their rabbit problem - kinda like the Florida restaurants serving lionfish.

Honestly, the cannabis legalization has been a fucking gold mine here. I'm pretty un-surprised about this.

My home is solidly in the middle, which seems about right. We drink like fish here, but beer is king in Colorado, and we're also kinda prone to whiskey.

Oh, ew. Sweet drinks+FUCKING LIVER=gross. Some tastes should just not be blended.

Hahahaha...pretty much. Booze is sacred stuff, and only garnishes that enhance it are allowed!

For some reason over-garnished cocktails just make me angry. ALL I WANT IS BOOZE AND SALTY VEGETABLE JUICE WITH MAYBE AN OLIVE OR A SMALL CELERY STICK. GET YOUR FUCKING LUNCH OFF MY BOOZE.

I actually really hate Quizno's, but that's purely because toasted sandwiches on that kind of bread tear the everloving fuck out of my poor mouth. The ingredients may have been fine, but I could usually only taste blood and anger.

Not even joking, I once ate so many Warheads that the inside of my mouth peeled off. I can't blame it on childhood, though, as I was like thirty or so.

FUCK YES.

Attempt to stuff the entire thing in your mouth at once, presumably while shouting "P IS FOR PRETENSION, IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME" and spraying chocolate chips across the room?

The "American" in this context doesn't necessarily refer to the US. :) I've known folks from all over the Americas who refer to themselves as Native American.

"Olive Garden: I'm Just Washing Down My Sad With Breadsticks And Wine"