What kind of crack did you smoke to feel compelled to answer him with such an odd comment.

Nope. Different brands calculate it differently. There is no One True Bra Size.

I have it on good authority from multiple male friends of mine that some frat guys are very happy to “camp” with them when there are no girls around. Sometimes they go “camping” with their special guy friends every single day.

My parents retired a couple of years ago, got bored and decided to be camphosts at a state park in Kentucky. They would get to live for free in a state park, check campers in and out, get people firewood, coordinate activities, ride around in a golf cart ... perfect, right? My parents very quickly figured out they…

Not only was the lake clogged up with a bunch of trash, but it looks like they left a bunch of garbage as well.

“That’s not how you play hide the cigar...”

Taking offense is like building a fence—you have to do it all alone and it takes a lot of time, and the things you think are nails are actually slender dog turds, and you pick them up and you get slender turd on your hands and then who’s gonna give you a kiss at the supermarket? Not Hannah, the twenty-something bag…

I think what you mean is, you miss the days when you would say that and no one would call you an asshole for it.

Did somebody cut your tongue out? Why can’t you say it anymore?

How on earth is “try to be nice to people” a ‘take’?

“But out in the real world, it usually pays to not be an insensitive, judgmental prick. You can’t control the obnoxiousness of other people, and you’ll go insane if you try. But you can do your best to make everyone else feel comfortable and welcome. Just because the world is cruel doesn’t mean you have to be. You,…

You wanna know how to succeed in life? Quit giving people the satisfaction of your reaction. Treat everyone you meet with kindness no matter how much they’ve wronged you. Be the bigger person. People are going to be assholes and there is not one single solitary thing you can do about it except for controlling yourself…

•Shortest session time: 5 minutes

“Robert E. Lee” came in second.

Is this really a good idea, though? I mean, a woman POTUS and VP? Won’t their cycles sync up and wreak havoc on the White House plumbing?

Someone cut off Ballaban’s access to the Keurig, please.

THAT INTERIOR THO

That she found a much older man isn’t the story here. It’s that the much older man happens to be Jon Lovitz. And that they teased out the big reveal over several meticulously crafted Instagram posts.

Yeah, it must be totally unfamiliar for VW dealers to be doing business with an organization that doesn’t care about their satisfaction and will lie to their faces if it means making a few bucks.