It reminds me of the infamous 2009 Oprah/KFC free chicken debacle. Basically, Oprah and KFC had a promotion where everyone who downloaded and printed an Oprah/KFC coupon would get a free drumstick and thigh. However, KFC didn’t bother telling the franchisees until the last minute that they, not KFC, would be expected…

I’m gonna spoon down some sour cream when I get home and think of you.

I tell the preparer to “please tessellate the cheese,” and their head just explodes. Least I get a discounted sandwich out of it.

Single people will never learn that they are the targeted demographic for axe body spray and nothing else.

I am proud to say I like room temp pancakes wrapped around pig meat.

Thank you for your sacrifice. You walked so we could run (away from this).

Once, not at a steakhouse, but at a place that was known for their steak, I was eating with my boyfriend and there was a man eating alone, having a steak. He finished, and the waitress came over and asked if he’d like dessert or coffee. He replied “no, I’ll just have that again please” “the steak?” “yeah”. My…

I once went super above and beyond on a job, and my boss told me to go out for dinner sometime in the next week to a nice restaurant, take a friend, and expense the meal as a thank you.

As I said yesterday, solo dining at a Brazilian Steakhouse is a power move. 

One of the best servers I ever had was a very nice lady who showed me how to turn the salt shaker holder centerpiece thing into a book stand so I didn’t have to leave my book flat on the table. 

Not even nearly, got me a Shamrock two weekends ago.

Domino’s last campaign was basically “we suck less now!”

I used to run a service business and my employee policy was that if there was a customer present in the store, then you better have something positive to say, or keep your mouth shut. If you think customers aren’t paying attention to how you just badmouthed the last customer, or the shop down the street then you’re…

Was that they year Robin Williams did the “Blame Canada” performance? That was so great. And that stupid South Park movie holds up - it’s a solid musical. 

WD-40 is not a lubricant, and people who use it as such are only setting themselves up for long term failure. It provides lubricant-like results for a very brief period of time, but in the end, will only dissolve any remaining prior lubricant from the application area and then evaporate itself, leaving you with…

Likely story. Jason - and all of Jalopnik - has been in the pocket of Big Otter Jizz for years now.

That’s like saying people don’t need bacon.

Big Corn is coming for your kids.

What am I supposed to drink after I house a dozen Oreos?? Cow milk is a necessity in this circumstance.

You do not need to breast feed past 1 year unless real food is scarce.