A penguin is driving down the road when his car starts making a weird noise, so he pulls into a mechanic shop. The mechanic, a walrus, says ‘give me 20 minutes, and I’ll be able to see what’s wrong and give you an estimate.’ So the penguin walks down the street to an ice cream shop, sits down and enjoys a vanilla…

“HELD DOWN IN ART CLASS, CLASSMATE SHOVED SEQUINS DOWN THROAT”

Is it weird that I can’t remember the last time I received an xmas gift that wasn’t a bottle of booze?

You can wait to feel bad for us until the Bolts announce the move the LA. We’re used to ridiculous and unjustifiable losses (fuck you forever, Nate Kaeding), but having our team jump the ship they sank is a new one for us.

It would be a lot of fun to get 21 of your best friends, hire 22 people to drive, and go on a massive bar crawl dressed as 80s business guys with suspenders and big cell phones and pinkie rings and bad sunglasses and stuff.

I don’t know, man. Dodge actually markets the SRT stuff, and they seem to sell ok, despite being more expensive and (as far as sedans are concerned, in my opinion) not as good as the Chevy and Ford.

It’s in the same price range as the SHO and SRT8. I’ve driven all 3, and I think the SS is by far the best of them. Especially to live with every day.

I test drove one, and they would have had me out the door for like 45. Not too bad.

And it’s all our fault. We clamored for it for years, then when they finally built it nobody bought one. That’s why nobody gives a shit about what enthusiasts want.

The buried lead here is that there are people capable of driving these cars for 10 years without eating a bullet.

A great way to get real drunk is to finish your drink every time a commentator mentions it. Kinda makes Chargers games watchable.

You underestimate the power of Coors Light

Tony Romo is one of the nicest dudes I’ve ever met.

I actually looked somewhat-seriously at these before I bought my V-Sport, but I was scared away by potential problems trying to register something that was never sold to the public and worries about whether it would pass CA emissions. But I seriously dig these.

Fuck Selig forever. Then fuck him again.

This is underrated

Can’t go wrong with country to get in touch with your redneck car-fixin’ side. Rock and Rap are common and defensible choices. But I find Funk hugely underrated for wrenching. A little Earth Wind & Fire or similar (Ohio Players, KC, Gap Band, AWB, etc) will get you in a good rhythm for maximum efficiency, while…

Both. I drive into Mexico at least 2 or 3 times per year (the key is to go to smaller border crossings), and I also do a lot of off-roading and hunting and stuff down by the border.

I deal with the BP quite a bit. They’ve been super cool every time.

Glamis over Thanksgiving weekend is something every gearhead should try to experience at least once.