This is some old-ass Internet and I’m here for it

The future of the NFL, which has two more seasons of labor peace before the CBA expires in March 2021, is in some truly mediocre hands.

Wesley Welker is undergoing concussion protocols from headbutting his grave

Don’t they know phones and cards can be tracked? Why hang onto them? Why stay in the local area?

Outside of soccer (which, as others have mentioned, has jersey ads to make up for commercial breaks), the majority of sports leagues outside the U.S. don’t come close to bringing in the revenue of any of the Big Four leagues. It’s even the case with the WNBA here, and most indy/minor league leagues—they’re selling ad…

Adam Silver may be the least worst of the Big Four commissioners but opening the ad-patch floodgates on us is a goddamn unforgivable sin. 

“Looks like somebody ordered... the extra crispy”

she isn’t and has never been a good loser

Know what, until further notice I’m 100% on board with Mexico putting a whooping on the U.S. on just about any international stage, athletic or otherwise

“What the—OH GODDAMNIT MAURICE, WHAT PART OF ‘YOU CAN’T ADD GOOGLY EYES TO EACH INDIVIDUAL PIECE OF CONFETTI’ DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND”

I mean, we all know that what happens if she bolts from the View is that she becomes the host of some new conservative View knockoff on Fox News or Glenn Beck’s outlet or something where she’s surrounded by more like-minded panelists. (Maybe they can call it “The Safe Space”)

Has anyone set the over/under on former NRATV personalities that fall into jobs at the White House?

I haven’t even heard of this until right now; I just looked up the trailer and hooo boy (though I feel like it had less to do with the source material and more to do that it was just a really shittily done trailer).

I dunno man, if he wasn’t a gay pride mascot then why was downtown overrun with waxed, muscly dudes in neon tights and tassels for the parade over the weekend?

...but I mean, they were being serious dicks that time.

Today, in Deadspin Headlines That Didn’t Age Well Immediately: Play in Game 5, Coward, God Gave You Two Calves For A Reason

“Have you ever seen a grown man naked?”

To be fair, in those days the Republican party that was actively trying to free the slaves; ain’t nobody giving them a pass for caging up immigrant kids because they were founded as Great Emancipators 170 years ago.

Something something hockey something something real toughness something.

I’m left phone-eared because I’m right-handed and want to keep that hand free to do shit while my mom spends 75 minutes telling me about the kidney stone her neighbor’s son just passed