It’s not just bullshit; it’s bully shit. There’s not a robe big enough to hide a bully. 

Real tough guys take on Geese!

Leave it on top of the dumpster behind your building, see how long it sits there. If the garbage men come, empty the dumpster, then put the DVD back on top, then you’ve made the right decision.

Him being a pussy is really the only explanation for that Hitler mustache he wore for a while. It wasn’t a Hitler mustache or even a mustache at all. I believe “the landing strip” was popular back then.

“Special envoy”, but not the good kind of “special”.

In Mexico they don’t call it “Mexican Food”; they just call it food.

Just spitballin’ here, but maybe the guy who makes my burrito shouldn’t be the same guy who passes the bathroom keys back and forth. I used to enjoy Chipotle much more. I live in a part of town with nearly a dozen Mexican restaurants within walking distance, but so many of them are just bad. Nothing’s fresh, nothing’s…

I used orange doorknobs.

Way back in another century when I was around 7 and my brother was 10-ish, he developed a “recipe” for hot dogs that he was very proud of. He’d split three hot dogs in half to make two sandwiches on toasted white bread,(probably Wonder). Hal tried to peddle this “recipe”, which also featured the unique technique of…

She’s wrong of course, but she looks so good being wrong.

I remember the story of a young Jack Bauer mistaking a Christmas tree for a viable threat.

Technically, aren’t we all contemporaries of Mandy Moore and Brittney spears? I don’t think that word means what you think it does. For six months I was a contemporary of John F. Kennedy’s, this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned it.

Please, make this happen. I was sick of Trebek at least a decade ago, and he’s only grown more obnoxious. I quit watching for about 6 years. That was partly due to a new work schedule, but not entirely. Harry Shearer would be fun, but he’d probably have to give up a billion dollars worth of work on his other projects.…

It likes like a mouse, but it still tastes like a pepper, right?

I call it Ryan.

You mean the nuclear button?

So gritty, they’re gonna showers at the theaters!

Of course it’s dark! It’s a movie theater for cryin’ out loud!

The Jokeriest of timelines!

I thought everyone did this. Also, I love to get high while I’m cooking, really brings those aroma’s and the rhythm of the chopping to the fore.