The pages of my copy are all stuck together.

I can’t blame J.R. entirely for ruining a really good run of Bourne movies, but I usually do anyway. I stay away from movies in general. I stay from J.R. movies on principle.

Only they weren’t talkin’ ‘bout his height. 

. . .And we call it--Spawn, and Friends.

Comfort Cats!

I used to walk a dog occasionally for a woman who rented her place thru aribnb. When my boss was introducing me to the dog we were having trouble with the lock box. First I struggled to open it, then I couldn’t get it closed. My boss was like, “So, we’ll just leave it open. There’s over 30 units in this building.…

Like my Portugal. The Man tribute band, Bob. The Country.

I checked out King Wizard Gizzard Lizard cuz I really like Wooden Shjips and Moon Duo. Wombat Esophagus Monarchy Kult is nothing like them, and not very good really. I gave them nearly half a song to win me over too.

You’d hafta order the hash browns and just the EggMcMuffin middles, then build your own. Please make sure someone takes video of this great food porn. Also, tell them to hold the muffins, only say it like, “Yeah, I wantcha to hold ‘em between your knees!”, then just storm outta there. Don’t bother trying to make a…

It’s like they’re breadin’ themselves from the inside.

That was my favorite part! The pull back to reveal Zoya, the actual kidnapper, participating in the choir was hilarious. That got an even bigger laugh out of me than Bash’s line a few eps back, “And a mother without her child is just a person!”

The way that guy was thanking the lions, I don’t think that’s gonna happen. But here, to take your mind off your worries you might wanna watch this:

I was watching the Halep and Zheng match rebroadcast, and the commentator mentioned that Wozniacki said some rather unpleasant and unsporting things about her loss to Makarova. He did not elaborate. I’m very surprised; Wozniacki is usually very good about taking her losses, almost astoundingly good. Plenty of good…

This is what passes for “progressive” police practices in my asshole city. Be as brutal and racist and fascist as ever! Just pay out more generously when ya get caught.

What the n-word equivalent for Klingon?

About ten years ago I was in a pizza place on Morse Ave. (Rogers Park, Chicago), waiting in line for a couple slices. An old thoroughly drunk black man came in. He was about 5'1" maybe 5'2", probably weighed all of 105 pounds, looked to be anywhere from 60 to maybe 1,000 years old. A minute later two plain clothes…

He did stop hangin’ around the front tho.

Puppy McPuppyface 

I’d like to get Mr. Majestyk on stage during our final encore to do his thing with a Ford Pick-up. Maybe try to jump the audience; maybe just jump most of them.

“Yeah! You just got ShitPoped!” I remember that was something we used to say.