Nick: Listen to me, Hillary. I’m not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist, only to lose her to her childhood lover who she last saw on a deserted island, who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French…

BUT THAT SHOULD MEAN SERIOUS THERAPY AND YEARS OF RECOVERY, NOT BOOK DEALS, SPEAKING GIGS, STATUS AS A RISING POLITICAL STAR AND THUMBS UP FROM THE POTUS!

Why did someone buy it? Because all Third Reich phones are comically oversized:

Hey, you are righter than the others, but let’s dial it back. I think we are all generally in agreement here. I’m going to try an summarize, and people correct me if I have it wrong:

Umm, I very much care if two 13 year olds are having sex with each other, and I imagine if you were a parent to a 13 year old, you would too. If 13 is too young to consent with an adult partner, how is it not too young to consult with another child? Another child uneducated on safe sex, pregnancy, sexually transmitted…

It works but it only calls Hell.

I mean, Cheeto did say that the phone system in the White House is confusing, clearly he’s trying to get back to basics here.

I still haunt the hall, trust me. I don’t comment as much because I’m often late but I still come in and read. I try to get some of the un-starred comments out of the grey hinterlands. I will always be here (and you know how to find me) The one to watch, and in my opinion far funnier than I, is Matisyahu.

Mama Mia! This could be his Waterloo. When he asked the American people “Take A Chance on Me”, they should have known he was in it for the Money, Money, Money. But That’s the Name of the Game when you hire a Dancing Queen to run the show.

Based on my overall opinion regarding others’ stupidity.....yeah, probably.

That’s . . . actually a really brilliant plot.

Your comment just hit my heart. It so clearly and logically expressed my fear of losing competent people in essential positions who actually put integrity over politics. Yet I can imagine the holes the Don and his admin would poke in what seems so reasonable. I can imagine finding myself in Trump supporters’ comments…

Here in Michigan, they’re talking about Kid Rock running for senate. There’s your cup of poop soup to go with your shit sandwich.

This guy has spent his entire adult life working in service of the United States. What made Trump think he’d want to work for Putin?

Next up at bat: Ted Nugent.

In other news!

You’d have to call EMTs to pump my stomach after 5 minutes.

“We’ve even developed a new council with Canada to promote women’s business leaders and entrepreneurs. Very important to me, very important to my daughter, Ivanka. I have directed our defense community, headed by our great general, now Secretary Mattis. He’s over there now working very hard—to submit a plan for the…

I thought he cleared it up nicely. The leak was real (as in, the leak actually happened), but the contents of it are fake. Which means that the intelligence community needs to be investigated for leaking fake-classified information, which allowed the press to fire Flynn against Trump’s wishes.

The Congressional Black Caucus is calling him out: