Make this opinion slightly less reasonable, then go post it on a Jezebel article. I’d love to see the responses you get.

She had a third kid last year and left me to deal with the older ones one day while she dealt with the baby, her husband was at work, and our parents were out on the town. So the kids are showing me their toys and they had this squishy ball on a flexy “string” and I invented a game right then and there. I can spin…

I’m the “fun” uncle that roughhouses and plays Nerf and board games and is basically a grown 12-year old, but since I’m an adult (technically) their mom yells at them for all the roughhousing and not me. It’s great.

Ben’s question really answers itself.

I always need to have an odd number of ice cubes in a glass, and it’s either three or five.

- When my kids were little and were acting like complete and utter cretins during Christmastime, I would pull out my cell phone, pretend to dial and tell them “I’m calling Santa, you little creeps! And I’m going to tell him to bring you hot sauce, pickles and mustard for Christmas!!” They would naturally lose their…

You need new friends.

Punishment: Two Christmases ago I’m at my sister’s place playing with her kids and her oldest one, the nephew, is being a prat. I only get to see them once a year and they’ve all over me the entire time which is great but he wanted me all to himself and I was trying to give equal time to him and his sister. He wasn’t…

My buddy in high school sold his soul to Satan three times, doing the letter in blood and burning it in a Pentagram thing:

I’m awful, but I thought that’s the smile of a man who knows his spouse is super stupid and super rich.

I remember asking my father as a child (I think around 4th grade) why he never videotaped my school concerts or performances like the other parents (back in the day of giant camcorders, which we didn’t own). And he replied, “All week you’ve been complaining about this stupid concert, and now you want me to videotape…

Nice girls don’t wear cha cha heels!

I’m guessing this is going to come back to bite him later, and that his son is going to wear things that are ugly even by teenager standards the moment he’s old enough to rebel.

I’m guessing the shoe thing is more about protecting his image than the kid’s.

“And what four year old knows what “tacky” really means?”

Oh, totally agree. It’s beyond an oversimplification. While I think his heart is in the right place - he wants men to get women more - reducing that to penises and holes isn’t exactly going to solve gender inequality. He took ‘standing in someone’s shoes’ literally and went full Freud.

Shirley is her sister in law.

I completely and utterly would forgo the pin-testicle connection. I have been married for 40 years to a woman. Got me, I still don’t understand.

***“I’m tryin ta ARN in here.” So Bawlmer.***