Buy a bunch of sparkling wine and keep them in the trunk, than pass them out after the movie.

Petty bitch that I am, her baby shower gift was a book on raising children with manners.

Honestly, she probably loved that gift the most.

Yankee Swaps are supposed to be garbage/joke gifts, I think, or at least that’s the only way I’ve ever experienced them.

FWIW I would have loved to get a present like that. What's more, that took guts to give it to him publicly. Respect.

Especially “heritage”. When people (particularly white people) start going on about heritage....things can get pretty sketchy.

(Last time this was done heaps of people posted about shitty gifts they’d received, not that they’d given, which is interesting too but not the same thing. Read the header, this is about personal embarrassment today, people!)

I’m not proud, but this is anonymous so...

So, did these chucklefucks not realize that these “Guardians” of the “Space Force” would literally be guardians of the galaxy, or did they totally realize that and decided it would be cool to rip off the name of a superhero movie franchise?

What do you get the woman who has everything? My grandmother used to smoke a lot, so for Christmas one year I got her a carton of Kent 100s.  My parents were not pleased.

This was an actual 2017 movie.

I’m so excited! I thought since I’m not working at the testing site any more (I know so much more noses than I ever thought I would) I would be very far down the list for a vaccine, but I’m scheduled for 9:40 am on Monday!

Group exercise: Scroll down very quickly, glance at the embedded tweet below, and tell me what this photo of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell looks like.

For that Space Force tweet, at least somebody was on-the-job enough to pick an appropriate typeface.

Well, there was the time I forgot about an office Yankee Swap until it was time to head to work, it was a very low maximum to spend, maybe $10? So, I grabbed a Christmas mug I had gotten from where else, stopped at grocery store on my way, bought some hot cocoa packets, shoved them there, didn't wrap anything. I got a…

He knew this would never happen, which is why he did it. He only wants adoration from his cult over how much he’s “trying” to help them, even though he has absolutely no say in how much the checks are for.

The average American car back then would break a whole lot of things on the way to 100K miles.

Because the villains clearly ate too many of them.

Thunder..thunder..thunder..thundercats..Hoooo

“Not nearly as creamy or puffy.” I’m going to use this as a compliment for my Wife the next time she goes on a diet and loses weight.