“Our river never caught fire.” — Detroit

Factory of sadness continues

Might as well go out as he came in.

Both teams played hard.

This. This is what going mad sounds like.

I want you guys to meet and fall in love.

Yes.

Ohhhh, you’re an attorney, that explains a lot.

At my grandma’s funeral one of her friends told me that the day he met his wife he told her “I want to marry you, I won’t ever be rich but I will always love you”. Six months later they got married and recently celebrated their 60th anniversary. Did he hit the life lottery by picking the exact right woman or was…

Last night I made myself two bacon cheeseburgers for dinner, and was disappointed to learn that my wife and daughter had already eaten the two buns I was counting on. When I was done beating them and throwing them on my gun pile, I assessed the situation. I could get dressed, get in the car and drive somewhere, or I…

I can’t imagine running into a cousin at a swingers party; if I walked into a room and saw my cousin getting plowed. I’d probably need counseling.

I like how the guy didn’t sound like he called 911 himself... like hurr da durr I’m just gonna wait for someone to canoe by...

I love how white men that claim to live in fear of ‘government tyranny’ and believe that it is righteous to rebel against it are the first ones to insist that all black people should strictly obey every police officer like a submissive dog.

Sometimes I feel really weird that 85% of my best friends to date in my mid-20s are people I met in high school or earlier. Outside friends seem awestruck if they are out with me and any one of these 10-15 people and find out that we didn’t meet recently but have been close friends for 8, 10, or 15 years. It seems…

Those little bastards have led rough lives.

Or you could watch all 6 at once! this is not recommended.

My best friend is a Mich alum. He described it as “dancing with the love of your life after proposing after which they are promptly decapitated by a sheet of flying glass.”

“Dear Michigan family”

Sadly, I can see Hollywood do something like that.