On the low end, you could probably get $1800/month for that townhouse in LA. Realistically, it would probably be $2400 or more in the right neighborhood. Had you bought it when the market was at its nadir a few years ago, you would have paid about $400K.

This is one of those times where you have to hug your kid and tell 'em "I'm proud of you."

All the more reason to burn my memory out with hard drugs before they can do this to me.

If you're that concerned with what your date thinks about you, I'd say that's probably a big part of the reason you're single in the first place.

What I really want to know is: when can we GMO up some tomacco?

I'm white and my ex-girlfriend was Indian. We used to get excited when we saw other interracial couples, so I think it's a common sentiment.

I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that Chowchilla has the largest female prison in the U.S. and California's death row for women. Prison guard jobs pay very well here. They're turning it into a men's facility this year, so I'd be interested to see if Chowchilla wages move closer to parity with the rest of…

They also had the quarter-moon windows replaced with regular windows and successfully petitioned to have the house's address changed to a different number, but people still find it.

Nice picture choice. The expression on Officer Rape's face is particularly lecherous and unsettling.

Many years ago, I had a neighbor who failed to get into the LAPD academy, so he became a security guard instead. A couple months after he became a security guard, they put him on probation because he pistol-whipped a "trespasser" while he was on duty. He was an unarmed guard at the sign-in desk of an office building.…

Like I've always said: experiment with drugs, not with science.

I have to chime in and add something to the discussion. As someone who lived just outside of Cleveland for a few years, I can tell you that the cops don't show up for anything short of a murder. It's really not because they're idiots or anything like that; they're strapped for cash and they have to choose what they…

As men, I think we've all had that "I wish I had a bigger dick" moment, where you step out of the shower, look at yourself in the mirror... and sigh. Then you think "What would I do with a huge penis? How could it possibly improve my quality of life? At least I don't need to buy a sports car."

Trader Joe's has good prices in general, although there's this perceived idea that they are more expensive because a) they don't run sales and b) they carry a lot of organic food. Every time somebody bitches about how expensive TJ's is, I ask "When's the last time you shopped there?" and the answer is almost always…

Sorry. My apologies. I jumped the gun.

Yes, yes. Look how clever and mature you are. Thank you for descending from the heavens and using my own insult against me. Allow me to anoint and wash your feet, oh Lord.

Wow. Seriously. You're both borderline retarded.

What???

Ha! I got a good chuckle.

I made a video asking Mary Todd Lincoln to my prom. There were several problems with that one.