Well, I called for a mental health wellness check when my neighbor started doing things like screaming Bon Jovi lyrics in the street in the middle of the night and chopping up his front porch with an ax. Your mileage may vary, but that was my experience.

Hmmmm. People with dream jobs are happiest while people with repetitive jobs where they get cursed at are least happy. I surely didn’t see this coming.

My thought exactly! Goop is for people who want that insanely curated lifestyle but are too lazy to curate it themselves. And the Marissa Hermers of the world are far too tasteful to appreciate something just because it’s obscenely overpriced. They are fine with cheap gifts as long as they’re darling, thoughtful,…

I love this show. I highly recommend The Real Housewives of Auckland if you can get your hands on it. I live for,

I’d save his life.

I’d fuck Indiana Jones, I think that’s distinct from fucking Harrison Ford though. Like, he doesn’t do it for me in anything else but Indiana Jones could get it.

I’m sorry, but who among us would not fuck Harrison Ford, especially Han Solo-Harrison Ford? It is for this reason (as well as murder Hitler when he was just a shitty art student, and someone else I won’t mention in case the Feds are watching) I would build a fucking time machine. To fuck Han Solo/Raiders of the Lost…

My brother and I get mistaken for boyfriend/girlfriend. Even get on KissCam at baseball games. I should start wearing a “He’s my brother” shirt when we’re in public together.

Personally I think if you’re going to let Amazon surveil your home through a fucking Trojan Horse of a speaker, you might as well get some yucks out of it.

Then behold the Sashimi Tabernacle Choir, an veritable Volvo-load of evil:

Dig how you explained what Big Mouth Billy Bass is, but I had to Google “Alexa.”

My favorite greeting is “You’re the hottest thing I’ve seen in here all week!” Cheerfully bought $700 worth of merch before I realized it wasn’t a salesperson.

I used to work in the hotel industry. I’ve heard customers complain that the staff didn’t “smile with their eyes,” and there was even one staff member that complained because they found out that one of the staff was a student working towards their teaching credential. Why was that a problem? They couldn’t really…

I think a false veneer of happiness, while not anywhere near open hostility of course, is still pretty uncomfortable. It’s like I feel I need to wait for them to slip me a note that there’s hostages in the back room and I should go get help immeaditely.

You’re not giving them money, though, you’re giving their employer money. Not getting a smile also costs nothing, and feeling like you’re owed a smile by “common courtesy” is weird and control freakish. What, exactly, does the smile do for you?

I’ve worked a few retail/customer service jobs and man, it would be so much easier to be able to just talk to people about their pets. I think it probably helps to be in a self-selective environment like that- people who apply for a job in a pet store are almost certainly going to be at least pet-nuetral. I mean, I…

And not to mention that Americans get personally offended when they see checkout employees sitting in a chair. Because god forbid anyone not stand in one spot for 4 hours at a time. Again, why do they care? Why should people hurt their spines over a (sometimes) minimum wage job?

Never have I longed more for the ability to set people on fire with my brain than I have in my customer service days.

Customers ought to be grateful when I don’t punch them in the mouth with their attitudes.

Yeah this seems a bit excessive. As for why people care I think there’s a middle ground. I don’t care if people are smiling like robots or not, and not being American I still think it’s weird when I get salespeople who are too cheerful and chipper but I hate it when you ask an employee a question like where something…