Me too! Give me all the fucking spiders, but keep the roaches away!

A-fucking-men. You can give it all the fancy names you want, but a giant roach straight from deepest, darkest hell is still a giant roach straight from deepest, darkest hell.

I am terrified of cockroaches. I can’t even kill one. I have to run out f the room and scream for my husband or one of my 7 year olds to kill it. (The 11 year old shares my phobia and is useless.) A couple of years ago, I was driving one of my twins to the urgent care doctor to deal with some sudden child plague. I…

If you replace binge watching Murder She Wrote with. “Binge watching bad 80s movies chosen by your husband that contain content questionable for the children,” you would be correct!

Amen. I buy a new pair every year. Problem is, I never toss the old ones, even when the bottom of the pants are shredded from dragging the floor (I’m roughly the height of an oompa-loompa). On the bright side, I have a delightful collection of warm, whimsical jammies.

Damn, now I want a patty melt and some hash browns scattered and covered.

It is beautiful. It is also $860. I almost fell over. I mean, I wasn't expecting it to be cheap, but I wasn't expecting it to be a mortgage payment either.

My vet’s office has pens that say “This pen was stolen from The Vet at Blueridge.” Makes me laugh every time, but I’ve yet to steal one.

I love that skirt!! It’s beautiful! Now I want to buy it.

Holy shit, this is officially one of my proudest moments. Never have I been so happy that my MIL is a moron.

So, do I win Meryl’s kitchen? I do, right? RIGHT?????

Speaking as someone who has lived in the deepest of the Deep South her entire life, it's not okay.

I realized the other day that the lipstick I have in my purse is at least seven years old. And my purse is a gross receptacle of child cast-offs like gum, old suckers, and snotty kleenex. That lipstick is literally a fucking biohazard, but I still use it. I figure it just strengthens my immune system.

It sounds like a sorority girl thing. Not trying to stereotype sorority girls-I did a brief stint as one a million years ago. But my much-younger sister is a year out of college, and she uses the term “peach” regularly. So I associate it with overly-cute sorority girl communication. That being said, she should have…

$80,000? So he was able to buy 4, maybe 5, sets?

Back in the very early 90s, I had a crush on him so bad it actually hurt. 6th grade me would be crushed that her rugged, misunderstood cowboy turned out to be nothing more than a drunken, wife-beating asshole.

Miss Piggy’s hair was fantastic. The rest just made me a little sad.

My mom rented her dress, so the idea of me or my sisters wearing it never came up. And thank god for that, because it was some mid-70s ugly for sure!

Your mom is beautiful and so is her dress! Happy anniversary to your parents.

I was watching this today on tv when it happened. I was already a little misty-eyed from the general sense of joy that everyone in the crowd was exuding. But when the pope beckoned that little girl over, cue the waterworks. Serious ugly cry.