Um, can we have sex, now?

It took a pretty embarrasing amount of time for me to realize that. Now, whenever I hear that -

Hahaha man that’s the worst. You get really excited, they get really excited, the more excited you get the more they lose control of what they’re doing, you try to wait it out to see if they’ll come back to the really good thing that you just said “don’t stop!” to, but they don’t and it’s RIP lady boner.

LOL. You’ve got some convincing ladies on your hands.

But there’s one thing, above all else, that you should remember as she gets close to orgasm: do not change what you’re doing in terms of routine and pacing.

Keep in mind that some women won’t know what they like, either bc they have never experienced cunnilingus before or have only experienced mediocre cunnilingus. If you keep asking, and they keep not answering, at some point you have to switch tactics. Instead of, “what do you like?” try, “do you like this?” while…

Go out in the world and fuck it up beautifully.

I LOVE YOU, JOHN WATERS!!!!!!! 143637 JOHN WATERS!!!!!!!

How do you think men’s bathrooms, and more specifically urinals, would be designed if our penises jutted out from the side of our hips? Let’s say 50 percent of guys have right-hip penises, and the other half have left-hip penises. Current design of urinals would suggest you’d be facing someone as you peed. Can you…

Religion aside, I appreciate that people are talking about child molestation openly. Besides the actual abuse, the shame of it is a life long burden. The more people feel relaxed about admitting it happened to them, and they were NOT to blame, the better.

did you like, even read the article? which refutes everything your sister may have told you?

I got Scooter from the humane society when he was about 6 months old. And I tried jillions of toys to keep him occupied. He had no interest in any unless they had catnip in them. And he only rubbed the nip all over his face. I eventually had to get him a kitten of his own to keep him company. (seriously, Scooter would…

THAT FACE. Oh my god. She looks so delightfully bitchy.

Erin, forget the Kong brush and spend the $30 bucks on a Furminator. it will change your life. She will still hate it but fuck that brush. it does nothing except move the hair around.

Driven to near-insanity with desire to kill laser. Eventually learned laser light was coming from thing I was holding in my hand, and attacked my hand.

secretive?

That cat is terrible. Why is it so moist?

I know some people have complained about how much love Inside Amy Schumer gets from Jezebel but, as someone who doesn’t have cable, please accept my wholehearted gratitude for posting her clips! The woman is a genius and I love that Jezebel is giving her the shout outs she deserves.

I literally did this last night. Got totally naked and I changed my mind. And you know what happened? I did not get raped. That dudes brain stayed firmly in his skull, and he got me an ice cream sandwich and we drank beers in my bed. No has the same meaning with or without panties. Slow your roll Dr. Ruth.