God no, why would I ever go to Pittsburgh?

[Alarm clock turns from 5:59 to 6:00 AM. “I Got You Babe” begins to play. A BENGALS FAN lies in bed and opens his eyes.]

Personally, I think it’s hilarious that they tailgate under a goddamned freeway overpass. 

You can Google Map that Practice Field and you can still see the misnumbering!

Nice to know these fans will be in shape for the regular season.

While there are many things to hate about Bears fans and Chicago, not allowing the scam of the George Lucas museum to appropriate space on the lakefront is not one of them. That was a bad idea and a scam. Frankly I’m surprised that Chicago didn’t fall for it. Someone had an iota of common sense between benders,…

NOOOOOOOOO!

too late.

The answer to “Let’s Remember a Jet Who Sucked” is always going to be Blair Thomas. Sure, Browning Nagle sucked, but he was a second round pick in a draft class that was historically weak at QB (other than Favre). Thomas was the second overall pick, drafted in front of three future hall of famers in the first round…

You all are terrible, nearly two hours in and none of this?

Speaking of frothing madness....

“No, but WE are!”

You forgot mom jeans. 

Cut it out. 

So you’re saying that it’s a good place to start my meth ring?

Pueblo is the meth capital of the entire goddamn world and is routinely overrun by locusts, and yet is somehow the most tolerable city in the state.

The new law reportedly permits horse racing and simulcasting to continue in Massachusetts until July 31, 2019, because clearly there are no stupid and preventable potential consequences of making this the kind of thing that has to be renewed at the end of formal sessions every single year.

This is why you don’t blindly snooze all those Outlook reminders.

Next banner, courtesy of Tim: