30 what?

Did you live outdoors 30 years ago? That sounds pretty rad for a toddler.

I actually don't know who she is

I pull this shit on my five year-old all the time. Well, except for the dunking part.

Ok, so Ordinary People didn't have any car chases. But you have to admit you didn't see that Mexican midget wrestling scene coming.

Disclosure: Author is a Patriots fan and is not guilty of accessory to murder.

why are you putting your face on the pole?

that was the joke

Don't eat on the train. Unless you are eating freshly microwaved broccoli or maybe some yellow curry or something equally inoffensive.

Oh shut up

Hey, would you assholes make the same comments if this post had a Tom Ley byline? Oh you wouldn’t? Huh.

dying to rip off my sexy striped polo shirt just for YOU, baby.

This was early internet days, so the testing guy carried the pics in a binder in a locked brief case. It had tabs like: "girl," "boy," "rape," "corpse," etc.

You shouldn't think. It doesn't work for you.

n.b., only a few folks are "qualified" to administer these tests because part of the job necessarily includes possessing a significant amount of otherwise illegal pornographic images (and yes they are as awful as you think).

unless you're into that sort of thing

I was a military prosecutor and monitored a couple of these "tests" (about 15 years ago). The defendants would voluntarily submit to prove they weren't incurable perverts but simply run of the mill sex offenders (in order to reduce sentencing). Even the military courts never accepted the test results, because, as…

On a positive note, none of the players will get stabbed at 4am (unless they get mugged leaving Yankee Stadium, of course).

Mostly they have a new stadium deal and don’t need to spend money right now

You should check those wrappers. Maybe there's some chocolate inside.