But I think if I were asleep on a beach and I woke up and there was a lobster on my chest—a big five-pound lobster with its fucking claws free and ready to kill—I would shit my pants and run.

How much ya wanna bet the league will not allow AK-47?

Pretty much this. Jez and Gawker are my no-go's on this family of websites. There's nothing there I'm interested in and a visit will only result in my brain melting.

So I know that picture is from Ed Reed returning to Baltimore yesterday... but what I don't get is how this picture relates to Jezebel / mean internet peeps.

So THAT'S what karma looks like

I like this guy:

Mike Trout is still better.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), Gordon didn't get what he deserved. Clint Bowyers spin gave a lap back to Joey Logano, which put Gordon back out of the Top 10. NASCAR did nothing to rectify this.

One more reason soccer sucks absolute dick.

I'm pretty sure the position of the ball (when caught) determines the call on this play, not the position of the player's feet.

His nickname is AD.

All the idiot needed to do was change one word:

"That's the last time I ask Jalopnik commenters for advice on making a bus purchase." - coach

To answer the other poster's question, everyone - players and journalists - took joy in this because this guy's getting a perfect game would have fatally devalued the feat and baseball in general.

I hate most things SEC but I like this kid.
Keep both middle fingers in the air and if he beats Bama, im going to love watching espn try to spend the next 9 weeks justifying why Teddy Bridgewater is "more deserving" of the Heisman over someone who might end up shattering records this year.

100% Diff these idiots trying to make everything racial are doing a disservice to those truly being affected by racism every day

I think that was more of a "no one wants your autograph" gesture. Which is a pretty awesome comeback if the Rice defenders tried using the autograph stuff as trash talk.

Thanks for the response. I think that those are two very appropriate criteria. I guess reasonable minds can differ as to what is newsworthy.