There was a guy in my elementary school named Jeff P. Nauss.

My mom told me she would never buy me an album called “Suck On This.”

The air was filled with catcalls! (No pun intended.)

I’ve liked Carrey since I had to describe him as “the white guy on In Living Color.” I haven’t heard anything about him being a dick; just that he’s a pretty depressed guy.

No, the Bee Gees gave us “Ghetto Superstar.”

First off...BULWORTH? An 18-year-old movie everyone has forgotten about?

Is the steamer, by chance, manufactured in Cleveland?

Is the steamer, by chance, manufactured in Cleveland?

Yeah, nice how you interpreted my remark to mean ALL librarians should keep their mouth shut ALL THE TIME. The librarian is female; you forgot to add that my comment was an attack on all women and that I think they should all just shut up and look pretty.

I’ll go see them if the theme song is Europe’s “Cherokee.”

The last time I went to Disneyland, I smoked out in the parking lot. I considered bringing some in for about two seconds so I could say, “I got high in Disneyland,” but I figured getting arrested at Disneyland would totally harsh my mellow.

He does have a long-standing reputation in the comedy community for being mentally unstable.

Or that librarian could keep her dumb fucking mouth shut and donate these books to another library instead of insulting a gift she just received, but hey, it’s another excuse to go “Boo! Trump!”

I should add that I wore a “Sailing the Seas of Cheese” T-shirt on my first day of high school and was instantly called a poser.

I saw “Rocky IV” at the Music Box last year and Drago’s punches sounded like someone slamming a door.

“I wash myself....with a rag on a stick.”

I’m a total pothead and live next door to a McDonald’s, but I’d prefer we had a Taco Bell or Burger King. McD’s isn’t awful, but it’s certainly not the best fast food has to offer.

“In related news, Cruise revealed that in the upcoming Top Gun sequel, Lt. Pete Mitchell has been promoted to Rear Admiral.”

It’s beautiful!!

Bacon told Starlog that Friday the 13th was a terrible experience for him. First the makeup man applied his makeup while smoking a cigarette, nearly burning him. Then after they filmed his death scene, he noticed a tingling in his mouth and was told that they added photo developing fluid to the usual fake blood…

I love Stephen King, but let’s face it - virtually anything he writes is going to get optioned because of his name.