Really, all the Dodgers need to do is build a time machine that can go back 10 years. Or at least 4 years. Then they get a helluva great player

In addition to rooting for the silver and black, I also bleed Dodger blue. And I just shit my pants. Please, keep reminding me he's playing for a contract.

Must I remind you of the story of Roy McAvoy? Down in the U.S. Open until he and his little Mexican buddy had a night of drinking and butssex. Then, the next day, boom! Something happened, not sure what, but something happened!

Wendell Tyler anyone?

Maybe Lawrence McCutcheon could be persuaded to come out of retirement. That's right, I said Lawrence McCutcheon.

what's the kelp for?

Charles Barkley said he would help if he could eat one of the dogs

While it's true he didn't turn out to be what they thought, he was still sort of productive. The Bosworth comparison? Not cool man.

So no picnics on the side of the highway for Alex? Brutal.

to really scare the folks into towing the line, you oughta can a few other folks at random, a la "Paths Of Glory"

I'd like to split her uprights.

Cool, Peter King's daughter likes Pujols too!

Um, can someone remind me again why the fuck the Olympics are being held in China? Are the 2012 Olympics gonna be in the Sudan?

si, yes, oui, of course, by all means, definitely, no question...

Clean my balls, bitch.

I would vote for you, LaDainian, but who is your running mate? Hahahahahaha.

By 2012, those springy metal things he calls legs will be replace by jet powered wheelie feet. Or perhaps some sort of jet powered hovercraft thing. I'm not sure. What I do know is that he will not only qualify, he'll set new records, and possibly set the guy behind him on fire. But it's all in the name of competition.

Dude. Just come out already. No one will give a crap, except maybe the Browns' center. But he could wear an extra layer of protection, like a crotch plate or something, or perhaps snap the ball from a sideways stance.

But but but... he's hitting .643 against lefties or something!

This is so hard to believe... I mean, he looks pretty sharp.