Who’s a fancy boy? Who’s a fancy boy? You are! You are!

TWINS

I was happy about this and then I realized it’s the only good thing to happen so far in 2017. And we’re a month in. So.

Maybe he saw the Thomas Jefferson vs Fredrick Douglas Epic Rap Battles Of History video and got confused.

Soooo most overrated movie nominated for Best Picture, yes?

Yeah, that’s why Jezebel hates it, you conservative troll. Bitch, please.

the lack of diversity was pretty shocking to me actually, although I don’t know why this surprises me anymore. and I really, really wish they would have cast people who could actually sing.

would love to talk shit about this movie with emailer Nick, my new bae

I recently found out that I am pregnant and am 100% planning on using one of these names anytime someone asks me what I’m going to name the baby.

If you’re willing to be the back half of a moose, I’ve got a plan...

BUT HER FUCKING EMAILS

In a call back to a Deadspin article, I named My fantasy team “Tom Brady is a Fancy Dog” this year.

I agree. In a way, Tom reminds me of Ben Carson when talking about anything else except football. (I say that as a Patriots fan). In their narrow specialty (neurosurgery, football) they are undisputed experts, and usually met with fawning praise, even from adversaries or critics. But outside of that bubble, they are…

Just let the idiot savant heave his precious ball and eat his all-crystal diet and sleep in his cryo-pajamas at the bottom of a silent, subterranean lake in peace.

Patriots QB and AFC AKC champion Tom Brady did his weekly call on...

Trump doesn’t want to be President. In about two weeks, everyone will be so fucking pissed at him that he’ll just walk away from it all, stating that he’ll “continue to fight for you”.....just not as President. Mike Penis will take over, not do anything, and be soundly defeated in 2020.

I think we finally identified the period when America was “great”: 1776, when the states were largely autonomous and the federal government didn’t even have the power to issue a national currency. They’re sticking a paper clip in America and forcing a hard reset. This time without pesky Thomas Jefferson and his…

oh…

Good. Now can we work on booting Jimmy Fallon for his annoying portrayal of a talk show host?