One of my friends bought a car on a 0% loan when that was first a thing and the dealer’s system wouldn’t accept a zero rate for purposes of calculating the monthly payment. He was like “I don’t want to blow anyone’s mind here, but I think it’s just the price of the car divided by 60.”

Does the Pope shit in a Crosstrek?

I remain convinced with my theory they’re after the picnic gaskets.

This car might suck.

Do you also call a parenthetical statement a “bracketsical”?

Actually, Uber’s logic isn’t that twisted. If Uber drivers are not employees but independent contractors or freelancers (I understand the legal situation here is murky), then they are indeed customers of Uber’s services.

So really, you want to be your car’s pimp.

Still I would debate that it isn’t. eBay can be the biggest marketplace on earth. Doesn’t mean they have to pay wages to their suppliers like big box stores do. 

It’s like if people who sold stuff on eBay formed a union and demanded better pay.

LOL “BETTER DRIVER PAY” so I can afford to pay for my $70k Yukon XL Denali

Dear Uber drivers. We understand your concerns and are working on replacing you with automation as rapidly as we can. Thank you for your patience in the mean time.

It’s like 100 steps up.

You know you’re ruined when you look at a Jeep Liberty and say “yes, that is a step up from what I’m driving right now.”

why did I make this dear god

Also the owner of an Element. The Element utilizes it’s envelope much better than most other rolling toasters. Low floor height, high roof, door sections are thin, and there’s that low-profile cupholder between the front seats if you have the regular Element (I own an SC, which has a humongous center console) which is…

You drive around without tires on your Element?

The Ursa Minor kit for this is about $7,000 installed, and I’ve found a local 5-speed element with half the miles for $4,500 = CP

Son: Dad, I want a platypus for a pet, I’m gonna name him George.