“So which lounge am I in? Gucci? Mercedes?”

You always want to check your babies for freshness before purchasing them. Otherwise, they just go bad in the crisper, and you end up throwing them out before you can use them.

“We’re not allowed to voice our conservative opinions publicly!”

It’s just an awkward place to put your hands when you’re kissing someone. I want to kiss you, not inhale helium out of you to amuse my friends.

seems like a fair punishment for having your feet up on the dash

We avoid them because both of those outcomes - either a hipster or a creep - are pretty undesirable. Really, there is a third outcome: Dad/Grandpa. Depending on your life situation, that may also be an unwelcome outcome.

Yah, I’d never heard of it until this, and I googled it... looks pretty good. Sudekis is hit or miss for me - he can skew really quickly to smarm - but he seems like he’s going the other direction here, which is nice to see.

Mustaches are weird, because unlike other facial hair, it feels like you can only dress a certain way when you have one. Full beard or clean shaven? You kind of look the same no matter what clothes you wear (provided it’s a trimmed beard). But wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a mustache... I don’t know, it just looks…

where in texas? I ask, as i travel frequently to the dfw area. I love texas. much of it reminds me of rural ontario, honestly. good, salt of the earth people.

yikes

Fried bologna is delicious, as long as you get the thick cut stuff. And mustard on bologna is also great. This just makes me hungry. I am from the east coast, also, where this is definitely a thing.

agreed. you first.

oof, you should feel embarrassed about this post.

“Lauren Gogurt” *belly laugh*

Based on the number of high calibre fully loaded assault rifles she keeps around the house for... I don’t know, reaching for things she dropped behind the couch? It’s unlikely they’ll reach the age necessary to be men.

I know we’re not supposed to criticize people based on their looks, but MTG really does look like a battered potato.

Yah, they told us aboot you. 

This one deserves the Moo-litzer Prize... NAILED IT.

Is intuitive fasting just, like, not eating until you feel like you should eat? Cause I do that every day, from like 8am to noon, and then from noon to around 6, 6:30pm depending. I’m just like the stars!

This is a good take, but I think she’s built up so much ill will with her previous assortment of pseudo-medical products and advice that the gut reaction to anything she does is mockery.