The best wrestling gimmicks are usually the ones that are either an amplification of the person’s personality (Flair), or an alter ego (Goldust). Nikolai Volkoff would probably fall into the later category, though he was more like a parody of something Josip clearly despised. He’s more like Col. Klink or the other…

Still bummed about coming in second?

I think he’s actually a damn good hitter, but trying to learn how to play catcher on the job isn’t a good idea at the MLB level, especially not on the Yankees. He needs to be a DH, and soon.

In addition to the offensive prowess Barry listed, Sanchez has also: gotten his manager fired because of his shitty defense; sucker punched a teammate’s brother; been so bad at signals that his constant mound visits resulted in a MLB rule change. His loafing is now directly costing the team games.

Nice, but how far can he kick a football?

If we’re playing Duck Duck Goose, I pick him as a “goose” every time.

That’s the point.

How far can you punt a golf ball?

“Hello, friends.” - Jim Nantz

His entire MLB career is a series of violent outbursts in reaction to normal baseball plays.  This year, he has complained that he gets drug tested too much.  This clip sums up Carlos Gomez perfectly.

“Tebow? Goddamit.”

There are certainly star white athletes who have progressive* views on race relations. They are probably not in the majority, and more importantly, they may not have the skills required to talk about the subject without putting their ass in the jackpot.

Nah, need a goatee to be an evil twin.

Cosby won 4 consecutive Emmys and 8 consecutive Grammys.

So Werder’s getting a job at the White House?

In golf, they’re called “douchehosels”.

Another option.

USGA honcho Mike Davis keeps saying that they’ve learned their lesson(s) from previous US Open debacles, yet we keep seeing them make the same mistakes over & over again. I guess “clown golf” should be expected with a clown running the show.