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Reagan had been campaigning for the job during the entire 1970's. Carter started campaigning in ‘73, when it was clear Watergate was going to be a problem for the GOP. Clinton started really working the DNC in ‘88, giving the keynote speech at that year’s convention. Obama gave the keynote at the ‘04 convention.

Ah, rotary shavers. Use a high quality foil shaver and, most importantly, pre-shave juice. So much more civilized than attacking your face with a knife through foam. Also, touch ups!

Nobody was hurt, thankfully.

Previous Presidents aged rapidly while in office, but they were actually trying to do the job. The hope that the stress of the job gets to Trump includes the assumption that he’s involved enough to be stressed. That doesn’t appear to be the case, and we should probably be grateful.

Or, maybe, Tim Allen’s fans finally accept that his show’s cancellation was about money, not his supposed politics. Pretty sure he knew that was the case all along, but let other people chatter about it to keep his name in the news because it’s showbiz. He’s not a political guy, no matter how much people want him to…

I’ll truther this:

The beer has a “No Smoking” sign on the label?

I assumed “Aaron Gleason” was a nom de plume for Skip Bayless, and it was all sock puppetry.

When you’re flying on a private plane you’ve chartered for you & your entourage, it’s OK to bring your own grub.

Simply based on the demolition derby parking lot, Trader Joe’s might be the most dangerous store to visit.

Hell, Nixon used to [garbled] that [expletive deleted] off Kissinger’s [redacted] every day!

That’s a pretty cheap word trick. You’re perfect for the NYP.

Yeah, you really took a beating on that one.

I suspect he failed his draft physical for lack of a spine.

Start with stairs. Never let you heels touch a stair, going up or down. I picked up this trick from a friend in high school, and it boosted my vertical leap substantially.

“I’m in favor of it!”

Or last rites.

His suspension should actually be doubled for being so fucking careless with his coke. 

You went to Unconscious State?