I hope someone has counted up the “Rickey Runs” he scored: Walk, steal, advance on ground/fly out, score on sac fly. Those were always amazing, with the pitcher looking both pissed & confused.

They traded a burnt out reliever for a mop-up guy who they had already seen get shelled while wearing their uniform. It’s close, but to be peak M’s, Ramirez would have to be from Wapato.

Oh, he definitely cheats tee to green, and takes a lot of 6 foot gimmes, but even folks who say he cheats say he can putt. Mooch didn’t say he makes every 30 footer, just that he’s seen it happen. Well, he didn’t exactly say that, but, you know.

“the Brown’s kid already has a 1000 yd ....”

Honestly, I thought this was what he was trying to say. “Three” and “Thirty” just got mixed up in his wiseguy mouth. Trump is known to be a good putter, so 30 footers are not surprising. This might be the only part of the statement that isn’t total bullshit.

Only good thing about dressing your infant in a Browns onesie is not having to bother with a diaper.

The worst ways to hurt yourself are slipping on your roommate’s jizz while grilling and trying not to fart in front of your girlfriend, who your roommate swears he doesn’t find attractive.

Be careful, he likes to combo the Belly Rub with a Leg Grind, set up with a Tail Wag to Fakey.

Just the right blend of amino acids, man.

If you look a little deeper, you’ll find out that the Trump Organization did a lot to help the casino fail.

A Rowdy vs. Flair angle is always a good idea.

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Stay white, and you’ll be alright.

More useful traveler’s LifeHack involving your phone:

That’s why I’ve taken to turning off the master water valve to my apartment before taking a trip, leaving a note inside the door of “Water is Off”.

The hat pairs best with this shirt:

Some guys are main eventers, some are born for the un-desCartes.

I was thinking that all of them could be edited so that the pink or blue color blast is replaced by pure white precious snowflakes.

Most of the eye-rolling comes from talking to someone who has, over the course of their life, declared themselves allergic to MSG, gone “carb-free”, vegetarian, then vegan, then paleo-diet and now gluten-free. Turns out their health problems come from cigarettes, coffee and poor nutrition.