The worst ways to hurt yourself are slipping on your roommate’s jizz while grilling and trying not to fart in front of your girlfriend, who your roommate swears he doesn’t find attractive.

Be careful, he likes to combo the Belly Rub with a Leg Grind, set up with a Tail Wag to Fakey.

Just the right blend of amino acids, man.

If you look a little deeper, you’ll find out that the Trump Organization did a lot to help the casino fail.

A Rowdy vs. Flair angle is always a good idea.

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Stay white, and you’ll be alright.

More useful traveler’s LifeHack involving your phone:

That’s why I’ve taken to turning off the master water valve to my apartment before taking a trip, leaving a note inside the door of “Water is Off”.

The hat pairs best with this shirt:

Some guys are main eventers, some are born for the un-desCartes.

I was thinking that all of them could be edited so that the pink or blue color blast is replaced by pure white precious snowflakes.

Wore glasses, even bifocals, as a kid before getting contacts as a teen. The scary pain of a semi-rigid contact getting suctioned to the top of the eyeball was countered by not having to wipe raindrops off the inside of my glasses, or feeling like I’d been punched in the nose every time the frames were touched.

Most of the eye-rolling comes from talking to someone who has, over the course of their life, declared themselves allergic to MSG, gone “carb-free”, vegetarian, then vegan, then paleo-diet and now gluten-free. Turns out their health problems come from cigarettes, coffee and poor nutrition.

“Raleigh Fingers Junior” was a great young country band!

They did have something like this in the late 80's ~ early 90's, I believe. It was a bunting contest, with different zones painted on the field. We found out that Wade Boggs was an amazingly good bunter.

Ugh. Bernie was the second coming of the “Human Rain Delay”. 5 minute at bats, multiple practice swings after every pitch. Many of his teammates decided to emulate him, including #2. He’s patient zero for baseball’s current pace-of-play problems.

Liberal arts degree here. If I can do any math, I’m feeling pretty sharp.

I always calculate the tip to come up with a whole dollar total, so I can tell if I’m OK to drive. Can’t do the math - can’t turn the key.

Or the title of a reality show about a Ft Worth halfway house.