Where are the red playground balls? It's like you all forget entirely about joy when I'm not around.

"Thanks to the support of my tremendous family and friends, I have decided I will not be attending the draft this year."

Would it be because the Brooklyn train always arrives one minute before the Bronx train, since they're both on the same ten minute schedule?

Oh, and PFT Commenter. He might be third instead of Drew, actually - it's close.

Barnwell is really good, Brn Morris's skeptical sports is really good, and I'm a big fan of Mark Titus. I should branch out from Grantland/Deadspin/FiveThirtyEight/Jon Bois some, but there are only so many hours in the day, you know?

Yeah, Drew Magary, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

I spent a year watching basketball games in a tiny conference room with Magic…

Bill: "...I guess its too late to take you up on that job offer, Drew?"

Is the green one the side view?

Spontaneous Amnesia brought about by the psychological trauma associated with signing with the Browns? Absolutely, Haslam Syndrome is very real and should be in the DSM.

This is the kind of hard-hitting investigative journalism I come to Deadspin for.

I don't know, it had just the right touch of "get off my lawn" to it. I say legit. Judges?

NFL free agency is like a game of "just the tip", it's never going to end at just the tip.

What I want to know is, who gave you the terms for the next Russell Wilson contract?

The ultimate power: make a man hurt so bad he sounds like McLovin.

Most dudes go home and beat off after pretty much any encounter with a female. I've been flying half-mast all day since the drive-thru lady asked if I wanted a receipt.

This is the same dude who got Cyborg to choke him out during an interview. My guess is he goes home and beats off after he gets a female MMA fighter to attack him.

More like Rhonda ArouseMe, am I right??

What you do is set up a 3rd party corporation to deliver cupcakes to the class from an outside vendor the day before the elections.

White male wins election. BORING!