Look, it happens. You have a fair bit of success and it makes you get a big head.

He cycled all the time in his playing days

You use your gun once a week? Must be a terrifying place to live

“How they hell does today not show giving a shit?”

Was this comment necessary?

It’d be too cruel to fire the guy. Who would hire him? He’s forever marked by this event.

It’s there because I put it there.

In his defense, Brady Hoke hasn’t been driving a forklift for that long.

I like to compress them down into diamonds, which I then wear.

The Ardrey Kell High School talent show: You pay for the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge

Jones has been on the team for two seasons, but has played sparingly.

Good for him. Most college kids would hit the pipe.

J.Lo: Are u Ellie?

Burneko: Get fucked, John Kasich.

Two Brazilian cyclists died? That’s horrible. How many is a Brazilian anyway?

One of the WIFI networks by my house is named FBI SURVEILLANCE VAN and my mother came to be in a right state of panic about it. It only took her a moment after I asked her if she REALLY thought an FBI van would a) name their WIFI that and b) sit outside a house in a small town in ONTARIO? She felt pretty silly but boy…

There’s no way he succinctly communicated an idea in a single paragraph.

He isn’t on the ballots of Chris Broussard, Bill Simmons, Zach Lowe, Sam Smith, Tim Bontemps, or Chris Haynes, though he is on Ken Berger’s.