If you’re paying less than $5 a pound, you’re buying ass

...will reportedly replace him with retread Bruce Arena

Drew’s neck gives him a decided advantage in headbutting range. Refs and opposing players, managers, etc. who decide to jaw with him will think they are arguing at a safe distance...then BANG.

Splinter is old and tired, a loser. Sad!

As someone who grew up a non-Yinzer in an awful Black’n’Gold-tinted, trashy white people infested, central-PA hicktown, I learned a long time ago to recognize the condescending “Bless Your Heart”-esque nature of Stillersfans generously informing everybody that they don’t even need to brag about all their effing rings…

Championship gear depends on the team.

Me and a buddy watching a Kansas game when Mangino was coach. Camera is on Mangino holding some kid by the jersey screaming into his face. My buddy blurts out in convincingly frightened voice: “Don’t eat me coach!”.......I nearly choked to death on my pretzel.

Well folks, it finally happened. The NRA warned us all but I didn’t believe them. Last night as I was watching the debate there was a knock on my door. This startled me since I didn’t buzz anyone up. Maybe it was a neighbor who needed something? I ask who is it as I check the peephole and it was President Obama! At…

This was true back when the exchange rate was more favorable for Canadians. The local malls actually installed clothing donation bins in the parking lots so the filthy poutine-gobblers would have somewhere to put the clothing they wore across the border after changing into their new purchases. Previously there were…

That was a good analysis of pain and growth. As a parent, it’s difficult to walk that fine line you described — obviously, if your child is going to put his hand on a red-hot cooking element, you pull their hand away, but if they’re tottering on the edge of their bed reaching for something and a fall onto the ground…

And Jesus, look at the two purple teams. They look like giant Welch’s fruit snacks.

Please, never make the Jim Tomsula Lifehack of the Week ever go away. I don’t care if he fades into obscurity; his lifehacks are a sustaining legacy.

Look, Drew, talk about cargo pants all you want (I’m with you), but we all know THIS is your lack of fashion standing:

I am a lifelong Denver fan. One of the earliest photos taken of me as an infant was with a Broncos blanket over me in the crib. Watching Peyton Manning shill for every product under the sun for the past few years while telling the fans to shut up and stop bothering him makes me wish Mom had put that blanket over my…

God I’ve been waiting for so long for this. Look I’m a die hard Broncos fan and I love them to death but seriously fuck that 2015 team. You would think they won the Super Bowl I love them and so on. Not true it’s all a mirage. That team was borderline unwatchable. I was thrown out of my own playoff party against the…

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Arizona is Arians Nation!

Now there’s a man who isn’t afraid to go for two!

Can’t