Guys, what they say about the rain is very true. Seattle is a gross, perpetually wet place that you definitely don’t want to live in. Please stay where you are.

Ugh, my poops have been dry and sad. Every time I think about this horrible steamy dump of an election, I get nauseous, so I haven’t been very good about eating. I can eat when I’m distracted by work or marathoning Harry Potter, so that’s good.

I was Satan!