This was clearly written by a 13-year-old. I mean, just look at the ALL CAPS and the running ellipses... We've clearly started electing children to public office.

Witness the Power of Gravity(TM)!

I am now imagining a teetering salmon. And laughing hysterically in an office still full of people. Thanks, Lindy.

How in the hell did I never think of that before?!? I think I love you.

Why yes, yes I do. Invisible Isabel just rocks those tiny brightly-colored dresses — she inherited my love of dresses but has yet to encounter my fit difficulties. Rock on, kiddo. <3

His name is GARIBALDI. I want him.

As an actual dwarf (albeit a tall one at 4'10" after years of growth hormones for pituitary dwarfism), I feel like I should feel offended by the appropriation of that word for the purpose of offending someone almost a foot taller than me. All I can muster is a snort and a sad little laugh. I think my students are…

TAKING AWAY MY CAPS IS TAKING MY VOICE AWAY FROM ME. DON'T SILENCE ME! JUST BECAUSE I'M SHORT AND LOOK LIKE A LITTLE GIRL DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T NEED TO SCREAM FOR SOMEONE TO FUCK OFF SOMETIMES.

Jeez. My favorite professional jacket back in the day was short-sleeved (long sleeved ones tend to cover half my hands). But it FIT - it didn't squash my boobs, or fail to button, or make me look like a large cylinder. It also fit across my awkward shoulders. I've never had anything that made me look more put…

Bookmarking for the next time I have money/feel adventurous. Thanks!

Thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for learning, and thank you for caring. :)

You count, because you'd understand my jokes and my technobabble. :) I salute you, because I shouldn't be allowed near any sort of equipment (hence theoretical physicist). Me teaching a lab is an exercise in hilarity and broken multimeters.

I've actually had the opposite problem and taken to sewing up the center gore to deal with my overly friendly boobs.

I've been contemplating bra-making too. And then swimsuit making. It can't be a whole lot harder than some of the stranger aspects of costume-making that I've delved into. Some day...

I had a really badly fitting convertible bra for a wedding I was the maid of honor in this summer. Total quad-boob. But the dress started its life as a strapless, and even the pretty straps I added wouldn't have covered my normal bra. Thankfully the straight-across neckline disguised some of the quad-boob.

Lol, awesome. ;) I'll have to put you on the list of rocket scientists I've actually exchanged words with (is it sad that I keep one? Is it still sad if I'm a theoretical physicist?). I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I usually laugh when the bra fitting ladies ask if I want a fitting.

I once talked into a store with some friends (the store was terrible and all the stuff was boring) where a very chipper lady was all sorts of pushy that they had "something for everyone". We shut her up with the existence of my not-in-this-store rack. We were allowed to leave in peace. I do the same thing at…

The rocket scientists I know don't know how to fit a bra either. ;)

*cries* I want a strapless bra and pretty dresses.

4'10", 34H here. And yes. To everything you said. The straps are monstrous, and everything rides up so high it can't be hidden except by wearing high necklines that just make the ginormous boobs look even more ginormous.