That’s called cocaine.

If I gave it to my drug dealer, pretending he’s a reliable banker, I think I’d deserve it.

Wouldn’t that just be swell, if you sneezed and your 100 dollar bill turned into dust and blew away? No?

White people’s hair types, texture and kinkiness (or lack thereof) generally don’t make for good haircut pattern material.

Hermana, lissen! I get it, you consider yourself black and most people would readily accept that. You probably think that since you also come from a place where a European culture enslaved your African ancestors, you too have the right to use that word but in the end, you’re not teaching your child any useful lessons.…

According to the NYPD Patrol Guide, racist and offensive words are considered “prohibited conduct,” which applies to both on-duty and off duty cops.

good thing they went in so heavily armed. That 4-post rack looks like it was about to make a move.

God laughed at that one.

In an official statement from the Russian Government:

Well, of course their paid less. Scott Caan is the son of someone famous and Alex O’Loughlin was on that vampire show that lasted a whole half season.

There was a guy at my old local dive bar who would always flood the jukebox with Yelawolf and shitty pop country....

This story seems about right.

But let a gay couple walk into a conservative white bakery and ask for a wedding cake and you will not see that same level of professional dignity.

My local news reported that an area man shot his neighbor for mowing his lawn too early. At the time I joked “Thank god he had a gun, otherwise something bad might have happened.” 

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and…

I’m amused that Alma Sanchez seems to think NPR is a single show.

I wish he’d insert himself into some terminal illness.

He’d get to the villain’s lair and someone would hold the door open for him. Movie over.

So... you are a modern day President, but you’d like to make America great again.

He has an appointment to record it in a month.