I’m mostly happy because I was prepared to pay $15 to see Hugh Grant passionately kiss Ben Wishaw to fulfill my own voyeuristic need, but it turns out I can see it for negligible dollars!

Low key? That’s charitable. She seems like a hateful, combative, hot mess to me.

One of my favorite bars tells anyone who orders a blender drink, “Our blender is broken,” when they don’t even own a blender. It will not be fixed next week. I appreciate your kind words, though I’m no expert. I just spent several years as an aspiring drunk. I never made the cut.

Feel free to judge. Literally last week, I downed tequila shots with such great ease and indifference that men at the bar spontaneously cheered for me, but I like a vanilla cosmo on the rocks every so often, with an extra orange in, because when you really drink, you drink lots of things.

I have a photo of Anna Wintour wearing all black, back in the early 90s when she also had a black bob. Never forget.

I do Weight Watchers and I think Kourtney’s “meals” are bullshit. That is... not much food. One salmon filet per week? I limit myself to one cheeseburger a week and I lose weight!

I shall hold the line with you.

At the same time, it’s not very good manners to say, “So, what are you exactly?”

I think Louis or Phillip for a boy and Alice for a girl. We shall see.

Five. That can be arranged.

Because “every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”

Thanks! I got my straws on Zulily and wasn’t thinking!

Thanks!

We have stainless straws, too, and my husband very promptly lost the cleaning brush that came with.

I LOVE straws, so I am extremely interested in edible and hyper-biodegradable straws, like these: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1530128773/lolistraw-by-loliware

My money has ALWAYS been on Jason Sudeikis.

My guess is that Kanye believes the theory that Marie Antionette was good and charitable and simply woefully misunderstood by everyone, most especially the peasants.

The one that says, “Check my deep freeze for disembodied vulvae,”?

That’s what we do. It’s okay, if the person is really a teacher. Teachers teach because of a biological imperative, not because it’s a super job.