For that, you go to @surrealDonald Trump.

Hate to be that guy, but I’m an attorney and lots of lawyers, even good ones, use “pled” instead of “pleaded.” Technically “pleaded” is the correct past tense, but “pled” has also become commonly accepted, and sounds more natural when spoken (and many legal writers have been pushing for more natural sounding language…

So @realDonaldTrump is not actually the real Donald Trump.

A couple quick thoughts.

Narrator: “He didn’t.”

Worse, if Trump was a young black kid accused of selling a bag of weed, he couldn’t even afford to take out a full page ad in the NYT advocating for the Death Penalty for himself. Sad!

The fact that his DEFENSE for admitting to obstruction of justice was “I had my official legal counsel, the guy who represents me in court, write it” is hilarious. Truly a clown car of incompetence at best that wouldn’t bode well for him if we weren’t already in world of madness. If Trump were a young black kid…

If the statement says “I have recommended the president resign and shove a 7/16" drill bit in his pee hole, in any order.”, I would forgive even if he uses Papyrus font.

At this point, robbing the treasury is a bit like robbing Al Capone’s vault. 

Vote in every election you can. A shitty city council member can fuck your life over just as thoroughly as a shitty US president.

This is like when a bank robber gives a teller his handwritten note to hand over all the money only this time its the GOP and America’s Treasury

Considering US foreign policy is rewritten at 3am on a toilet, they should be glad of the chosen writing medium!

He makes the best pecan sandies, and everyone in Kentucky knows it.

“Just be glad you’re not getting all the government y0u’re paying for!”

I love that the greatest fantasy for conservative Christians is the fall of civilization so they can start murdering the unclean heathens.

We want to promote responsible gun ownership, so we’re just GIVING THEM AWAY!! is a weird stance to take.

I know it isn’t a unique observation, but we really are living the dumbest time in history.

Coming to CBS this summer, ‘Gentleman Jack’! In 1800s London, a mysterious figure known only as Jack, believed to secretly be a high class doctor, goes about the streets treating the city’s prostitutes for free. Gaining the name ‘the Ripper’ for his habit of ripping up the grateful ladies’ medical bills in front of…

I’ve got a script for a Disney animated version of The Human Centipede, but Michael Eisner won’t return any of my calls.