He’d better be!

I think we all know who really should be Time’s Person Of The Year, you guessed it...Frank Stallone!

There’s a perfectly empty vault they could’ve been using this whole time, too.

In the mid-80s I was student teaching at a high school in New Jersey and Geraldo came over to do a story about the school (it was a prayer-in-school issue, don’t ask). Even back then the teachers were mumbling to each other about keeping him supervised when he was around the students. His repuation as a creep is long…

FINALLY! I’ve been saving this gif on my Compaq for 24 years!

No one who speaks German can be bad.

Well, that leaves two pop-culture Simmonses left. You just know one of them is going to get nailed on accusations in the near future, and I’m not talking about the guy who has frizzy hair and sweats to the oldies.

*slams shoe on table*

LOL “uninformed.” Mr. Vishnevetsky, were you aware of this information I hold in my hand, which states unequivocally that this movie is, in fact, good? No further questions, Senator.

Everyone who’s reading this should also take the opportunity to reread the glorious rollercoaster ride/trainwreck that was the AV Club’s interview with Tommy Wiseau (in the related articles).

Bad plastic surgery? This sounds more plausible all the time.

I think Fallon should be hosting a children’s show. Everything that harms his ratings (unwillingness to discuss politics, corny dad jokes, fake laugh, segment games) would benefit him. Plus, he seems to be great with kids; case in point, Stranger Things cast.

Sexually curious young grandmas deserve better than salmonella sex.

Voter suppression, the meteoric upswing in white supremacy, government sabotage of healthcare, outright lies told daily from the podium, rampant racism and misogyny in state and local governments. All supported wholeheartedly by the leader of the free world. Gee, what’s to worry about?

Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

His drug is clearly Warhammer 40k. It’s an expensive addiction.

Whatever drugs you’re on, I want some.

Well, you got Fallon running around as Huffins the Gnome in the feathery forest, singing songs that teach kids how fun it is to read, and pulling thorns from the paws of hares who give him happy little kisses with their big pink noses, and then you have Colbert waging bloody guerrilla warfare against the Empire of the…

I don’t think it’s cluelessness so much as the active finger in the ears while spouting “na, na, na” thing they have going on over at Fallon. They seem to be treating the current political clusterfuck in terms of “Look out this window at this puppy and that rainbow. Don’t worry about the screams you hear coming from…

Time to call up Ye Olde Craig Ferguson. He was the perfect blend of goofy, thoughtful, and political.