If I could give this comment more stars, I would.

hoo boy. where to even begin here...

Well, I think we can all agree that Poulter’s no chicken out there on the links.

Cool and do you want to reveal that you’re also a Brewers fan now?

Funny, I get a pretty effective reminder of my own mortality every time I look in the mirror, since I’m fucking old now and I used to not be that.

AHT

Mental illness is a real thing, kids.

Thank you for this really great take on the current state of affairs in baseball, random internet commenter. Scalding hot.

“A lot of people want to attack ICE. I see it every day. They want to call ICE racists, they want to call us Nazis,” he said. However: “We’re simply enforcing the laws on the books.”

Why stop there! We also have “Yore threats” and “scare a servant of lucifer”.

I’ve been reading Moby Dick lately, as it so happens! That book is a goddamned Ambien. If I need to pass out, two paragraphs of Melville’s just completely needlessly convoluted syntax seem to do the trick every time.

Unless they’re playing the Reds, in which case that situation is probably worth about fourteen runs.

That Pekingese is like... a 100% normal looking peke. And if you’re wondering How the hell do you know what a normal looking peke looks like well I’ll tell you that I own one and he’s a good boy yes he is.

🎶How many walks must my grandson take / before his walk percentage surpasses his strikeout percentage? 🎶

Mental health: It’s a real thing, kids!

You:

Someone go get that Nate Silver sonofabitch to do a goddamned logistic regression model with a dependent variable of “did an idiot on the field event happen?” and a dependent variable of “did the sporting event take place in Philly or Boston?” and I swear to god that’ll yield a p value of less than .00000001. You can…

Some stats nerd should really do an analysis of which baseball game conditions are most highly correlated with an idiot on the field event happening.

Hard to envision this man losing an election and then being like, “This is the will of the American people, so I’ll go ahead and step down now.”