If America can fail, Bill Simmons can fail, too.

Phrasing.

How old are you? Like twelve? You’re twelve, aren’t you?

Fun fact: Ken Holtzman pitched a no-hitter without striking out a single batter. Did it against Atlanta in 1969.

Counterpoint: No.

please please please please please let this start an epic war of passive-aggressive baked goods between LeBron James and Steph Curry

<crosses fingers>

Nailed it.

Agreed. It’s not like she’s from Gurnee or Bloomington or Rockford (or Dixon, where Ronald Reagan was from, btw). That 100% counts as part of Chicagoland.

Well, do Blackhawks fans have a reputation for being insanely obnoxious? Not really (although the clapping during the anthem (in other stadiums) rubs me the wrong way a bit). Were Bulls fans insanely obnoxious during the 1990s? Not really? They just sang Whoop there it Is a whole bunch, if I recall correctly. Then…

Montero won me over by coming up with the slogan “We are good” last year, but this just further cements the legend.

Go ahead and file Daniel Murphy under “Baseball players I have no good reason to hate but hate for some reason anyway”

Is.... is this real???

I was just thinking about how not excited I am to see them play the Bartman thing over and over and over again. And fucking Joe Buck will probably be narrating it.

Something about a Raging Ereck-tion mayyybe????

If that’s not failure to take advantage of a situation, I don’t know what is.

That’s cool! I agree we shouldn’t have one of those. But cities change and economies change and times change. Complaining about that is facile. Everybody does it everywhere. Stop pretending Portland sucks. It’s great. It was great 20 years ago, and it’ll be great 20 years from now. :D

It must be nice to have these be the issues that upset you. It really must. Ugly houses, tourists, and not being able to eat out. Jesus christ. What planet do you live on?

Great to see the bright young minds of the world dedicating their time and energy to solving such important problems. Bravo, guys!