(gee, I love that we're still treating BMI like a legitimate measurement of fitness or obesity)

We don't call you shitsburgh just because it rhymes.

Wanna know who still buys CDs? These people do, which is why "shirtless country" is a thing now. It's basically country-twanged pop rock based around dumb bumpkin escapist fantasies and performed by wholesome non-threatening rubes whose greatest dream is to become the new Jimmy Buffett. These tours are a huge deal…

Jeffrey Lurie: (cringes)

"This man was arrested for being black at a country music concert."

That is the cleanest I've ever seen Pittsburgh.

Nice troll, 3/10. I like the hyperbole (every) and I like that you didn't consider that maybe Jezebel is awful fucking emotionally manipulative clickbait and yellow journalism. Keep it up, "that guy".

Dumb men don't know that you shouldn't go anywhere near a pool when you're on your cycle.

Will Jezebel be held legally liable when this turns out to be a hoax, and your encouragement of cyberbullying and exposure of personal details result in financial damage and harassment?

That's so you know you're supposed to see her as the victim.

Bingo. It's too far gone.

Its not an LGBT issue. It's a law enforcement issue.

What's the point of including "gay" in the title? Does it make it any worse because not only did this cop hit a teenager but omg the teenager WAS ALSO GAY

This phone cam showed almost literally nothing

"No one has time to waste on vm."

Hat tip to a fucking Tranzor Z reference. I'd swear I was the only other person that remembered that awful cartoon and the robots with boob missiles.

You "OG Millennials" seriously need to get over yourselves. You are not perfect unique delicate little snowflakes that get to dictate the terms by which other people will deal with you. If a text or email is appropriate, then I'll send one. But if I call someone, it's because I want to talk to them, like a human…

Honestly, a 30 sec voicemail is a "time suck?" What the hell else do you have to do that's so important? (goes back to read "millennial" in story) Oh, right, according to you, every freaking thing you do.

Man, these Old Spice ads are just getting weirder and weirder.