He is never going to jail and he is never going to be punished for anything. His friends are all coming into power at just the right time.

i don’t think that is necessarily true

So now god has just said “Fuck it. Bret Easton Ellis, ima need you to do some punch-up work on the script I’ve been working on....Still wanna move the thing but my heart just ain’t in it.”

political correctness run amok i say, goddammit!

Opportunistic and plagiarist!

I would sleep easier if I were more sanguine there is going to be another legitimate(ish) election cycle.

They can place the failure on unfair foreign influences* and also on lazy and degenerate LOSERS here in America who want to take and take and never give.

I think you’re underestimating the ability of an authoritarian regime to deflect blame for its failures onto vulnerable people, and underestimating the capacity of the large chunk of Trump’s base that ARE Deplorables (resentful, frightened people with an internalized notion of white supremacy) to buy into flimsy…

Or maybe at least not bragging on social media about not voting.

Oh, Chris. Honey, no.

Don’t tell him to calm down

Tone Loc had a scene-stealing minor role as a building security guard in an episode of News Radio where Bill was being stalked by a man dressed as Santa Claus.

Pensions and trust funds are the two leading causes of Rugged Individualism in the world today.

There will never be buyer’s remorse.

in a lot of the very old stories that sometimes rerun on deadspin (like the nazi casino owner hockey booster) if i scroll through the comments graveyard one of yours will make me giggle/have a very high star count. your name’s easy to remember and some of the shit you said was legit funny. i had no idea you were even…

Uh. There isn’t even any oceanfront property IN Nevada.

That Sam Bee bit was literally the first good laugh my fiancee’ and I had after we realized how fucked we all were. “People keep saying ‘Oh the jokes will just write themselves.’ Well jokes don’t write themselves. Jews write jokes. And none of mine are in a joking mood right now.”

I dunno about that. Racism and misogyny might grow complacent and stop thriving. When things are too easy, sometimes you just lose that drive to succeed.

When I was like 13 or 14 years old (circa 89-90) Shields and Jack Germond were the most soothing dudes in the world for me to watch/listen to on the panel shows.

I had forgotten that already. Jesus Christ.