Horses kick each other for fun. There’s nothing you can do to a horse that’ll even register. All you’re going to do is look goofy trying to kick a horse. May as well splash water on a hippo.

People who smoke cigars a couple times a year are the worst.

1. Don’t be afraid to visit NYC.
   

At my stage in my career, I’m essentially a guru. Not only is having others ask my opinion flattering, it’s what I do for a living.

I wonder what makes a grown adult believe in something called a satan.

Counterpoint: if you’re in back and can’t hear, speak the fuck up like an adult.

Never buy a dog from a pet store - with the exception of PetSmart, which has shelter dogs for adoption.

Beagles make great mixes, though - as long as they’re mixed with something intelligent. They have lovely dispositions but will follow their nose relentlessly.

Why is this a thing?

Ticket to Ride?
Pandemic?

Yay. I’m Alan Alda. I was kinda hoping for Trapper John.

Only a terrible person would think such a thing.

It takes a real man to eat gas station sushi.

Fist bump and a hearty “good job!” works for me.

Counterpoint: I ain’t dead.

It’s not as if the reasons for hating Muslims or Mexicans are any different than the reasons for hating people of other races.

But Mexicans and Muslims aren’t races ...
- some pedantic fuck who thinks that’s a defense

Carousel!

Off roading in the Organ Mountains with a PT Cruiser.

It is.