They called Philly for encroachment three seconds after the clock expired. That was pretty funny.

Still the helmet is a piece of sports equipment, so there’s that.

The ref made contact with him.

I don’t know how much courage or dignity my son has, but he seems to be a much nicer person than Gohmert.

I can imagine that Congress’ reaction will be to make rank-and-file civil servants eat cheese sandwiches and sleep on park benches when they’re on official travel.

You have a problem with Weinstein speaking for his dumbass self?

And binders. Don’t forget the binders.

Couldn’t. Didn’t have a pencil.

I still prefer Goat Simulator.

The acronym should have been defined at its first use. One shouldn’t have to read through half the damn article to find out what it’s about.

Maybe she was just imitating, you know, a regular retard.

A little bit of salt makes the watermelon near the rind (the parts that aren’t as sweet) taste significantly better. That was a John Green fail, not a lifehack fail.

I do the same, but only because the list is full and I want to connect my shit.

Catch it, turn around and spike it.

Taco cat spelled backwards is also taco cat.

That’s the goddamn point. Marco is racist as fuck.

Not everyone has a bachelor’s degree in economics.

Trucks have wheels. They could be like ice cream trucks and drive around slowly.

Speaking of tacos, what kind of cheese isn’t yours?

Just substitute any other ethnic group. Say, I’m part Irish so let’s use that.