“And he’s not fat at all!”

Don’t forget the Red Stripe, man.

Ni-ce

It’s not just him: when it comes to the Olympics, we’re all massive Homers.

This is what happens when a Russian athlete doesn’t dope.

God, I’ve missed random photographer Eli cameos. It’s been over a year since the last Deadspin Photoshop contest...that’s absurd.

“Fine her for flopping.”
- Jeff Van Gundy

We don't like it any more than you do, Jason. NBC and the IOC can suck it.

“You’ve got this, my brother! Knife through the water like you always do! Don’t let no one cut you down! LET’S GOOOOOOOO! ”

23 gold medals x 3 places that get medals = 69. Nice.

To an extent, I fully agree with you: tennis in the Olympics is clearly second fiddle to the majors. That said, when you have a situation like this, where someone like del Potro - someone who would never have the opportunity to compete for a major championship anywhere near his native Argentina - get to compete…

“Chemistry is not an exact science.”
-Rio 2016 Spokesman

Conspicuously absent from this list: Draper’s last sexual encounter

Attempting to construct a concrete pool to any tighter a tolerance is nearly impossible...

Can’t say I do, either. That said, regardless of my disinterest/mild disdain for the sport, watching footage of Secretariat’s Belmont run is incredible: the time between him crossing the finish line and another horse entering the frame seems like an eternity. Ledecky’s finish here brought back the memory of the first…

Fuck stupid portmandeux and double fuck Rovell, but the “Ledeckytariat” moniker is more than apt: the 10+ seconds it took for everyone else to finish was surreal.

It’s so close, I can almost taste it.

They managed to break the NBC graphics, too, with Manuel’s lane reading “OR” and Oleksiak’s reading “1”

Thank god that Lotche doesn’t swim with the women, else Friedman might have referred to him as “Ledecky with the Good Hair”

I guess this makes Mike Pence Kif...