I refuse to let my feet ever touch the carpet and basically break the remote coating it in Chlorox and Purell.

He even looks constipated most of the time.

He’s not black- he’s half white!!!

Remember that time conservatives lost their shit because Michelle brought her mother with her to the White House to help with her two daughters?

Someone needs to create a Trump Mad Libs- that would help.

When watching Game of Thrones on Sunday and Littlefinger told Sonsa she should try to imagine the worst possible outcome for everything so she’s never surprised I thought: “This is how I should deal with Donald Trump”.  

That is gorgeous! Congrats!!!

I always thought women were paid less because men are expected to pay for dates.

I seriously need “Reclaiming my time” on a tee shirt. And a coffee mug. And a whole bunch of other things I can’t think of yet.

I’ll bet you anything he has sex with women when they’re unclean.

I hope she puts a few pizza recipes in her book just to fuck with people.

I hope she throws in a few pizza recipes just to f* with people.

I feel like there is something here that I’m supposed to care or be outraged about, but my president is an orange maniac, so meh.

I suspect they’ll say the “car slapping” sounded like a gunshot.

And generally very beautiful women. With great breasts (that just happen to become exposed), makeup and lighting.

Particularly since 99% of it is basically rape porn.

The standard “I saw a gun!” line didn’t seem quite so plausible.

I feel like “But she hit my car!” is the blonde woman version of the good ole “I saw a gun!”

*Allegedly* the car was slapped. There is no evidence of this because the cops conveniently turned their cams off.

He’s a Republican from Kentucky- this is all you need to know.