The institutional failure is heart breaking.  It seems like you only need one or two people to do the right thing to bring the whole house of cards down, but it never seems to happen.

Unbalanced Creature Configuration is the name of my new band. We are working on our first album,  EEL UP YOUR NOSE.

They’re never gonna survive unless they get a little crazy, amirite?

When I first glanced at the photo a bunch of times on my Twitter timeline I thought it was a back with a lot of moles.

May I submit for consideration, “Pestilencians”?

Sure.  She’ll just lay off the agent, the assistant, and maybe not sell any houses for a while.  

*Former Democratic President urges people to vote for Democrats*

You just answered your own question.

I was gonna say that pork isn’t the best example since there isn’t a religious rule about no kangaroos, but I checked, and apparently kangaroo isn’t kosher. I have a hard time imagining that the complaining parents were upset about that since it’s Nebraska, but that’s literally the only thing I can think of.

What if they both win in the same election? How cool is that?

“… an no sidewindin’ bushwackin’, hornswagglin’ cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.”

Even if she did, that Taylor is dead

Baby elephant will never forget this. 

“Read your town charter, sir. If yachtstuffs should touch your property, said yachtstuffs shall be turned over to the national idiot.”

Someone tell this bitch that you wear your worn out stupid $30 Zara clothes for this bullshit and your nice clothes when you are on official kidnapping business. 

I’m honestly as tired as the “John McCain was a terrible terrible person who no one should say nice things about” pieces as the “John McCain was last of a rare and noble breed of American statesmen” pieces. Dude died just yesterday, and in my universe, it’s still poor manners to interrupt other people’s mourning with…

Are people not allowed to be civil and even kind to whom they disagree with anymore?

That’s very astute.