Slow clap with nod of approval.

Your navigation screen that's stuck displaying the Land Rover logo isn't broken, it's the diagnostic computer displaying what's at fault with the car.

Do Cop Cars Make You Want A Cop Car?

My sister and her husband totally went to the open house a few doors down - these neighbours were legendarily pissy and were the first ones to dump the snow off their cars onto the freshly-shovelled sidewalks. Dicks, in other words. So, my sister is snooping around the garage and, lo and behold, came across the really…

By the way, ever buy and eat lunch before realizing there was free food at the office? It kills my soul. I'll eat two lunches just on principle when that happens.

That seems like a fireable offense.

I'm not going to pretend that this doesn't intrigue me, though.

If someone hands you a little piece of magic like this, what exactly is there to complain about? All the relevant action was captured perfectly. Just watch it and be happy or shut the fuck up and move on.

Lady at my office keeps a set of Tupperware in her desk specifically for taking leftovers. She grabs 2 of everything so she has dinner for her and her husband. Fuck her.

I ate the sandwich you stashed, Chip. I found it in your tupperware in the fridge. If you're going to take the last Italian in the box you'd better fucking eat it right there.

I worked in the office with someone that was cheap like that, hitting the leftovers and packing lunch (or even that night's dinner probably) with the freebies. So we would just eat her food out of spite. Meaning, I would eat her food out of spite.

"Perhaps an anniversary, maybe a retirement party, maybe your goddamn mother-in-law only ever eats at five-star Michelin-rated restaurants."

can we get one on how to cut your hair like an adult... i'm 20 so i just graduated out of the buzzcut for sports season and actually have longer hair (like it barely touches my ears) for the first time... my dad is no help since he's a sold out hippie who went from hair to his shoulders to balding executive

Even though he's not on the Giants anymore, it's great to see Brian Wilson still supporting Bay Area teams.

Kind of like the Cuyahoga River!

I would star your reply, but then Kinja would tell me that you only had one star instead of the current 31 you have. Someday, God forgiving, we will develop computers that can perform simple addition. People like Nick Denton will be able to afford them.

That's the part I don't understand either — new foods/dishes were prepared for and offered to them, and they didn't even want to try it! Wrong on so many levels, including being ungrateful.

If I were your dad, I would have said:

Excuse me, but unless you have a documented allergy or you are a vegetarian/vegan, you do not show up at my house bringing your own food simply because you don't like what I have prepared. If you want to eat here, you will put that food away, apologize for the insult, and eat…

Then get them over medium, the proper way.

Get your damn logic out of here.