Just to creep you out a little more, as a former teenage boy, I can guarantee you that a photo like that was used to, um, enhance some of your classmates’ extra-curricular activities.

The summer after high school graduation and my boyfriend was staying the night from out of town. He slept in the guest room and, in the morning, I went in and laid on top of the covers next to him (with the door left open, of course, because rules). Soon after, two or three of our cats also jumped on the bed.

The first time my first serious boyfriend met my parents, at some point it was mentioned that he was Catholic. My mom took this as an opportunity to LOUDLY start singing “Every Sperm is Sacred” from Monty Python and the Meaning of Life. In retrospect, I find this hilarious (and am very impressed at how much of the…

Yeah, they’re pretty great :)

Once, my mom and dad told us they were giving us the house for the weekend while they were taking a cruise. I was 18 and I was going to have friends over. It was going to be a fantastic weekend!

My mom and stepdad were hanging out with some friends whom I never met. Came home at curfew and smiled as they introduced us.

Embarrassing but God they sound like they adore you.

When I was 3 years old, I accidentally murdered my pet goldfish. My mom came into the living room after having one of those “it’s been too quiet for too long” realizations, and found that both I and the goldfish we had procured that morning were missing. She found me a few minutes later, giving the goldfish a tour of…

My birthday is April Fool’s Day.